Dear Annie: I lost my husband 10 years ago. He was a great man, and we had a great marriage for over 30 years.

It took a while (seven years) for me to date, and when I did I met a guy who was seven years older than me and divorced twice, but I was very attracted to him, and he was to me. We spent six months together, and then I left for the winter, but we flew back and forth and reunited, and it was as if no time had passed.

Then he found out he had multiple myeloma. His sister called to tell me I was traveling and he was in the hospital.
He was going through stem cell treatment and was very sick. At one point he wanted me to take him on a ride and he said he was ready to die. I was there to clean his house and plant his garden. He has tenements, and when they came up for renewal he was too sick, so I painted and cleaned them.

I took care of him and was his ONLY constant helpmate during this time. I changed his meds, and I looked for alternatives (which I found, and he is now much better).
We don’t live together but have had a lot of time together. After three years, last week I got a call from him and he said it’s over. He is 73 years old and said he needed to find himself and what he wants.

I was so shocked that I was speechless. In the end, I could only say I’ve been there through illness and your darkest times, and he said nothing. I told him, I am a good woman and you will never find another woman like me. I was in love with this man and turned my love into action by taking care of him. He told me he loved me as a person but wasn’t in love with me. After three years, I have to say that I ask myself if this man really has a heart. He attends a men’s Bible study and occasionally attends church.
I struggle to figure out how anyone could just decide to treat another human being who has stood by his side this way. Could this person really have heart and soul? — In shock

Dear In Shock: The fact that you gave yourself to this guy without getting anything in return shows how truly selfless and compassionate you are.
Unfortunately, we cannot control how other people react to changes in their lives. People facing serious illness often have a shift in perspective, and it’s possible he’s fighting an internal battle he hasn’t communicated. And don’t forget, the fact that he is twice divorced shows that he has not been able to maintain a lasting relationship. It’s him, not you.
Even if this relationship didn’t go the way you might have hoped, it doesn’t diminish the strength and loyalty you’ve shown. You deserve to be with someone who values ​​that.

Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

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