A woman seeks advice after she says she can’t afford to attend her sister’s destination wedding and celebrate Christmas with her husband and children

A mother considers missing her sister’s wedding in order to afford Christmas presents for her children.

In one post on Reddit’s “Am I the A——” subreddit, the mother who works two jobs — and whose husband had been laid off over the summer — revealed that she was invited to her sister’s “cruise ship” wedding in another state on New Year’s Eve . But, as she explained, she would have to use the money she and her husband “saved for Christmas” to finance the family trip and attend.

The woman, who wrote that her sister is 13 years her junior, explained that the pair “never really had a close relationship” and that she is “more like a distant relative” given their age difference and being in different parts of life.

“A year ago she got engaged to her boyfriend. I’ve met him a handful of times and he seems like a great guy,” she wrote. “They decided they wanted to get married in another state on New Year’s Eve.”

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As the Reddit user wrote, her family was “practically homeless” at one point during the pandemic and went into “pretty big debt just to survive.” Things have since “turned around” for the family, and the woman has been “determined” to make her sister’s wedding work – but in the end, she’s found obstacles to get there.

“I didn’t reply right away as I was still trying to figure out if I should fly, drive or both. Trying to figure out the most cost effective way to get my family to and from the wedding. It’s a good 24 hour drive so would have to share up for at least 2 days each way,” she wrote. “Apparently my sister told my mom that she was upset that no one from her side of the family had responded to her wedding. My mom called me. It became a thing. So I let my mom know I was going to be there.”

While working two jobs to “chip away” at the family’s “COVID debt,” the woman would have to miss at least five work days for the wedding (4 for driving and one for the wedding itself), and the family would have to drive out on Christmas Day to “buffer time”.

“My dilemma – to make this work, my children (one of whom has seen my sister twice in the last year and the other not at all) will not have Christmas,” the woman wrote. “All the money we have saved for Christmas will be spent on gas, the rest of the Airbnb and food for the trip. We won’t have money to do fun things while we’re away, we won’t be able to buy Christmas presents. It would strictly be to drive 24 hours to the wedding, watch the wedding, drive back.”

“To add extra to this, my sister asked my nephew to be a part of the wedding as a ring bearer,” she added. “My children have been an afterthought. No one has asked them to be at the wedding at all.”

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In addition to the trip, “the wedding itself is taking place on a cruise ship,” the woman wrote, adding that “all other guests have booked rooms on the cruise.”

“We are the only ones who would not cruise and could only stay on board for the wedding,” she wrote.

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The overall consensus throughout the Reddit post was that the woman was “NTA” – or “not a——” – for having to miss her sister’s wedding to fund her family’s Christmas, with the top comment encouraging the woman to reach out to his sister and explain that it would be an “emergency”.

“People having destination weddings should understand that it is a burden on their guests to travel and pay for accommodation, attire, food and the time away from work and other commitments,” the comment read. “If they don’t – then they’re selfish and short-sighted. Especially during the holidays when everything is extra expensive, I wouldn’t put this burden on my family just to see your sister get married. But I am.”

“I would suggest that your sister and her husband come visit you and your family in the spring and you can look at the wedding and honeymoon pictures, it would be so much more special for you all than spending money you have. You don’t have to watch the ceremony, eat rubber chicken while missing your kids — during the holidays,” they added.

Another user asked the woman if she would consider attending the wedding herself and leaving her family at home, but as she explained, that would come with its own obstacles.

“I’ve thought about it and it’s certainly not cheaper,” she replied. “Same car goes the same distance and I still need Airbnbs. If I drive on my own it would probably actually take longer because I don’t do long trips well on my own. As the only one working right now it would be a whole share lost income regardless of whether it’s just me or the whole family going.”

Another Reddit user wrote that “anyone who schedules a destination wedding for Christmas needs to accept that people will prioritize their children.”

“Nta. Christmas is a time for kids,” read another comment. “Their joy should come first.”